He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
