I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
