I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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