checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
