yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
