She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
