how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
