I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
