words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
