i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
