a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
