Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
True strength comes from lack of pants
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
