I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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