Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
