New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
