I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
