I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
