so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
