THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
