Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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