i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
