We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
