as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
