Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
