Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
