you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
