I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
