question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
