How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
