UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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