I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
