Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
