ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
