i barfeds in our rink
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
