If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
