she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
