But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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