I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
