I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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