After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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