Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
