theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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