Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
