So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
