so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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