I could have mohawked her pubes.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
