i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
