I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
