hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
