She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
