I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
