SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
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