Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
