Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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