After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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