im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
