I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
