We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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