Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
