What did we do last night that was yellow?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
wow bdsm is so cute
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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