State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize