I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
