I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
