Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
