My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize