Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
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