I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Randomize