I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
