pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she told me i tasted like america
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
