dude i'm inner monologue high
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
