The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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