And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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