how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i out mim tonsoeep
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
