I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
