It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
