You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
