my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
