I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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